Here is our dancer, Katie. For those of you who know me, when you read this blog, you're going to say, "Shayla, not this again!" But yes, this again, because ever since I had girls, this has been a huge dilemma for David and I to resolve. Dancing classes. I have several points.
1. Modesty. Swimming has a uniform, a needed uniform. But honestly, that is the only sport where I believe you need to wear those clothes. Dancing costumes are always a huge problem. Sure, I can be the mom who is always complaining about the sleeves, the length, the tightness. I can always put Katie in a position where she has to choose to dance or choose to be modest. Should I make her face these issues while she is so young and impressionable? Modesty is an issue right now with just regular clothes. Dancing is the art of moving your body, but it should not jeopardize revealing your body.
2. Dancing moves. About four years ago, I saw a young girl, just a couple years older than Katie, and she had just learned the shimmy. Go ahead and laugh. But when a child is learning provocative moves, it makes me sick. I don't want to deal with it. Sure, the children are so innocent, its okay, and funny. Nope. Dancing is not thrusting and wiggling. Dancing is exciting and challenging. It can be graceful, fun, entertaining, complicated, or simple. It should be uplifting. But what I see on the football stadium, is not what I want the final product of my child to be. There is more talent in Katie's free style at home, than in the years of instruction those youth have had.
3. The atmosphere. The music needs help. I know I sound old when I say this, but for heaven's sake, turn that crap off! There is such fun music out there to dance to, use it. Also, I have had friends who were talented as dancers and gymnasts of being introduced to eating disorders, peer pressures, and modesty issues. But, you face those everywhere, right? You bet, but in a dancing environment your body can be so exposed and receive so much negative feedback, that the challenges are suffocating. Girls take things to heart, and are influenced more than they should be by what people think. If they are not sufficiently prepared with truth, the atmosphere they have grown up in will teach them that their outward appearance is their value. Our worth is in the atonement of our Savior. We are as the dust of the earth, we would have no hope without the saving grace of His atonement. That is truth. That is what our girls need to know. That is the atmosphere they should grow up in.
So, Shayla, let your children discover, don't keep them locked up until they are ready for college! Well, I don't intend to. I let Katie in a little dance class two years ago, and right off there was a sleeveless costume. So, there I go, heart pounding, feeling sick, and asking the teacher to please give Katie's costume some sleeves. Sure, no problem. If it was so easy, why couldn't we have put them in all of them, why wasn't that the obvious first choice. I had mothers of the other children come up and ask me why Katie was able to have sleeves, and my answer was, that I ask.
The world our children are growing up in is different than the one we grew up in. I think they need more. I feel like I was blessed with talented children, who are capable of so much. They have personality, but more than that, I am praying my heart out that they will grow up with a true sense of what is right and what is wrong. They should not learn that because dancing is a sport, they should be able to wear anything, hear anything, and move anything. That is just not true.
Katie will eventually go into a dance class, and with the way Sarah dances, I know she has that same interest. But when they go, and it will probably be later, they will have a firm conviction that they can be wonderful dancers, beautiful dancers, the best of the best...and they will naturally stand out from the others, because of what they know and what they choose.
9 comments:
I agree with many of your points. I started Ballet lessons when I was 3 and continued until I was 16. Being barely dressed in a classroom that is surrounded by mirrors several times a week is extremely hard on your self-image. I remember multiple times talking with girls in my classes about their new "diet" ideas. A 14-year-old decided to replace each meal with a can of Dr pepper. She had to be hospitalized for dehydration. I once saw a 10-year-old looking at herself in the mirror saying, "Look at that fat cow. I'm so disgusting." I had been told several times to not wear a bra because the costume was not modest enough to cover one. Please do not feel like you are being extreme or over dramatic. These are serious concerns. I'm glad to know I won't be the only mom saying no.
I agree with every point you make. It is SO frustrating. When I was miss utah I was given 30 sketches of evening gowns by a very famous designer. One had sleeves. It was one of my least favorites, but it was the I chose.
Claire has asked almost weekly to be in a dance class, but I just haven't signed her up for these reasons. The good news for us is that she appears to have as little dancing talent as her father and I do---so there's little chance of a dancing career going anywhere for her.
One solution we've come up with is to just sign her up for a community ed dance class to learn basic things---knowing that there is an end to the course and very little commitment. And we'll sign her up for singing and other music lessons.
Sad world!
I guess I'm lucky in that we have a lot more options that you have when it comes to choosing a dance studio, but it's HARD to find one that doesn't encourage competition teams WAY to early, dresses the girls WAY to skimpily, and teaches dances that are WAY to adult for little girls to be doing (and big girls too, really). I can only hope that Emmy feels as uncomfortable with that kind of an environment as I did....I stuck with ballet and feel like I ended up with a much stronger foundation of what dance truly is than most of the girls on the competition teams ever did.
As far as costumes go....I admire your strength in sticking up for your family standards. While I'm fairly strict when it comes to every day dress, I'm probably a little less stringent than you on dance costumes. Even taking that into account, I'm sure we'll face our share of decisions when it comes to whether or not Emmy should wear certain costumes. I'm not nearly as uncomfortable with the kind of dress you find in a ballet studio as I am with what you find in a jazz dance studio (or whatever they are called these days....my young women tell me I'm out-of-date on my dance lingo ;).
I think the foundation in the gospel that you are providing for your kids is far more important than a foundation in any skill they might wish to pursue.
Amen and amen.
I'm so anti-dancer for so many reasons...and your reasons are some of them. I think part of it is my anti-utah attitude though:) I honestly don't think this trend(the dancing) is cute, useful, or beneficial AT ALL. It really makes me sick. It's like the tiny little girls dressed like adults(sometimes like adult never should be dressed) parading around in a pageant to be judged and looked at by heaven knows what kind of people! There. I said it. I am not as super strict about dress code. I don't think that unendowed girls necessarily have to dress with the same standards in mind that we do. I do NOT however think that at any point they should look like sluts! No matter what age! To me, sleeveless is okay. Spaghetti straps, not okay. Shorts above the knees are okay, but cheek hanging out, NOT OKAY. I do understand and respect your reasons for the modesty guidelines in your house. And I say, if that's the rule stick to it. Jackie made the point that a dancing career is likely not going to happen for Claire...if you look at all the careers in "Dance"..where do any of them go?? They could teach...that's about it though. In my opinion, sports would provide the same positives, without all the negatives. Let her have "Dance parties" with friends and stuff like that. She's likely going to outgrow the desire..and hopefully this fad will fade away quickly!! AND...that's my soap box for the day!
Good for you, Shayla. With three girls of our own, we've definitely had some of the same concerns. We put our 4 year-old in ballet this year, and so far it's been great. They request the girls wear pink tights and a black leotard - ANY leotard. Which means my child has one long-sleeved, and one short-sleeved (no strappy business here :)
But the future body image issues, and becoming comfortable wearing almost nothing are REAL issues. Like you, I hope my girls are strong enough in what truly matters, that they can handle the many temptations satan will throw their way. But if not, I hope to be in-tune enough to recognize when ballet classes need to come to end.
Its not an understatement when I say I LOVE TO DANCE. Always have always will. It gives me that natural high, its great exercise, often artistic, and often a means of social interactions (like church/school dances). That said, I sympathize with your plight about community dance groups, their lack of standards, plus the negative social implications on women and body image pressures. Just like so many other good things, Satan twists them in order to serve his purposes in dragging you down. For example, the internet isn’t bad, just how it can be used/abused. Dancing isn’t bad in itself, just how it is negatively applied.
My advice is keep fighting the good fight and don’t be afraid to let your wishes know to the dance teachers. Unfortunately, even if it is good for a while, the line gets pushed back, and you’re back to square one.
Another idea, though it would require a lot of time to set up, would be to hire your own dance teacher. I’m not saying private lessons, other girls you know are encouraged to come, but instead of dropping your girls off at dance class, hire a young women you trust to come to your house or an agreed upon location to teach your girls. (Its like hiring a babysitter instead of daycare.) She could be a high school cheer leader, “high stepper,” or someone that is/was a dancer. You work together to find costumes, music, etc., but she’s the one that takes the hour, once a week, or whatever, to teach them a dance she knows. Cost would have to be negotiated, but at least start with the same amount you would be paying for dance lessons anyway.
You’re obviously not the only parent with these concerns, so pulling in more kids would be more profitable to the teacher, and probably more fun for your girls.
Good luck. Let me know how it goes. My daughter is only 1 month old, but I’ll probably be dealing with this eventually.
I've been thinking a lot about this lately and I hate to say this but.....I have to disagree with you on some of these points. I have never looked at my sister-in-law, while she is in her dance class (wearing only leotard and tights) and thought "WOW that's immodest!" I usually am thinking "I Wish I could do that!" There is a BIG difference between wearing a skimpy bikini and wearing dance clothes. However, there is also a big difference between sexually provocative, pole dancing style dance and classical ballet or (my favorite) tap dancing.
I don't want to demean your feelings on the matter. Teaching our children about modesty and body awareness is very important but I think we have to have moderation in all things.
Dancing can be beautiful and Katie, if she loves it that much, could be great. She also has wonderful, supportive parents who are a good influence on her and can help her avoid those bad influences that could arise in any situation.
I agree with you 1000000%, (and yes I am a blog stalker- sorry) ;)
We are having a girl (after two boys) and have both felt the same way. I took ballet when I was really little and loved it. I think if my little girl ever truly felt like she really wanted to dance, she could do that. If the world weren't so full of pediphiles, it would be a different story, but most of the dance recitals I have been to I just feel extremely uncomfortable the whole time.
With so many cute sisters and cousins your daughters ages, you could get away with a joyschool type dance class. A clean, cute fun dance class. I am sure you can google basic dance lessons and get some cute ideas.
Or just put on the tutu's and turn up the music and dance for a half hour each day ;)
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